The long-term relationship between a wife and her husband has a great significance in our lives, and our society in general. At an individual level, we have come to know how this relationship is important in shaping the collective behavior and attitudes of a large group of people. A good marital relationship tends to have trust in one another, supportive behaviors and attitudes along with various roles and responsibilities. A common thread that will often come up time-and-time again is money. It’s an important vehicle in setting the wheel of married life into motion, but the most important aspect is how you and your spouse manage that money.

Starting the Discussion

Depending on your current financial situation, bringing up this topic may be difficult and may require some tactful planning as your spouse may feel they are being attacked and will retreat towards being defensive.

Small efforts over time, consistently demonstrating that you are showing interest and want to help will drop any roadblocks and allow the lines of communication to open. Take a slow start, really slow. Avoid direct financial conversation and move to it slowly by planting seeds. The goal is to work together to earn and decide a purposeful outlet and spending, which is the key to a happy relationship. It eliminates arguments over money and will really springboard both of you to an amazing life.

Getting Started

While getting on the same page, the fastest and easiest way to begin is through budgeting together. Identify what’s coming in, what’s going out, how much you can save (or decrease expenses) and prioritize goals for those savings, together.

Consider budget date nights with your spouse. Pick a relaxing environment, whether a restaurant or in your home after the kids have gone to bed and try to have some fun and budgeting. You should start with your dreams and goals, talk about the future. Upcoming events should be discussed with your spouse i.e., marriage anniversary. Where do you both want to see yourselves individually and as a couple or as a family? Where do you want to see yourself in one year, five years, or ten years? You should have individual worksheets to work on separately and write down everything you think for you as an individual and as a family and then compare notes.

An individual example might be i.e., I want to get to that certain place in my career or I want to buy that buy XYZ in 5 years for myself. Dream big but also be realistic. Also, the most important thing to note is what you value the most. Is getting out of debt more important than going on vacation? You have to know about your spouse’s money tendencies, whether he is a spender or a saver while being intentional about where the money is going to go.

But start lightly. Perhaps start the talk with having fun and talking about knowing accomplishing goals and dreams of your spouse. First make plans, devise the ways to make them happen and lastly, discuss obstacles in the way. The conversations about money should be open and honest. If a baggage of other problems is carried with you, it will undermine the entire process.

Pride and ego tend to be a major barricade in a relationship that should be put aside in budget meetings. It helps make each other trustworthy, enabling them to share their financial problems and find their solutions. By setting aside your pride, you will both learn to sacrifice and fight for each other’s dreams and start treating them as your own. By doing this, you both make your relationship stronger while showing how much you care for them.

Common savings goals should be set for both short- and long-term. These goals could be customized and prioritized. Each spouse should have their own personal budget as well, which feeds into the overall household budget. This could be for personal or common needs. But in the beginning, keep it simple, and get it done versus putting your energy and focus on the process itself.

Making yourself transparent and revealing bad money habits with your spouse will help eliminate financial problems down the road. Most of the problems are kept secret, so we are unable to find a solution. Whenever discussing financial issues, never show possessiveness, and you should say our money.

Things Not Going According to Plan

In the absence of effective communication, no matter how much you try, all the budget meetings and dates are fruitless. You both can look back and check on the progress you made thus far, on a periodic basis, and attempt at staying positive.

Whenever you get through hard times while making your way through your goals, don’t get disappointed and discouraged, it’s a part of the overall process and you just have to stay focused. If you feel discouraged, pull that financial goals’ list back out and recall you start this in the first place, do this together. While looking over the progress you made, check whether it is on the pace to reach the goal. If you find it satisfactory, then it is marvelous. Otherwise, encourage each other to take steps to get yourself adjusted. Even if you are eager and want to hold more financial meetings or conversations, don’t! Avoid the eagerness, stick to your plan and process and try to be slow. But when you do have that meeting, don’t show up for the conversation like a family meeting with a calculator and a spreadsheet. The other aspect for a budget meeting is the time. It should not be a stressful or negative event.

If you want to realize the goals in your life, you will not get there by accident. You need to be passionate, hard-working and intentional about it. Together, if you are on the same page of the same book, your goals definitely have a much higher chance of being achieved.

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