When it comes to love, everyone is hung up on finding the perfect person – perfect compatibility emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. An essential aspect that many people tend to ignore is financial compatibility.

Once the honeymoon period of your relationship is over, money can become a major stressor in a relationship. Arguments such as "Why can't you split the bill with me?" or "Have you taken any financial responsibility in this relationship?" can sour bonds. In the beginning, you may think that these things don't matter. You can always work out financial hiccups, right?

In reality, money matters can put a strain on the best relationships. No matter how independent and financially sufficient of a woman you think you are, you need to bring up the conversation of money with your partner.

Why does money matter?

Our older generations didn't have many conversations about money. Usually, most households were single-income, with women managing the home front and men bringing in the cash. Who called the shots didn't matter much; somehow, things seemed to work out.

Our world today is very different. The 21st-century woman is independent in every regard. Relationships are a partnership of two equals. When two individuals come together for a partnership, their family backgrounds and how they deal with money may differ significantly.

To have a smooth-sailing relationship, it is vital to discuss money. An honest conversation about your finances can ensure both you and your partner are on the same page, working towards similar goals. Just as you would align your life goals, you should also work towards aligning your financial goals.

Discussing finances with a partner can give you a transparent view of how they are placed money-wise and how your ideas will fit into the picture. For instance, you don't want to find out that your spouse has a lot of debt AFTER you are married. This is a conversation to have when you are in the early stages of your relationship.

Managing money expectations during different stages of a relationship

When you begin dating a person, you are excited to learn about different aspects of their lives. You pay careful attention to their likes and dislikes, eating preferences, the kind of movies they like to watch and so on.

At the same time, it is also essential to know their money habits. Ask yourself questions such as do they offer to split the bill on a date, do you go to places or enjoy activities that you can both afford, and are they considerate of your financial situation?

While dating, the two partners may be in different stages of life. You may be in college, and your partner may already be on their second job. It could also be the other way around. The important factor is that you may not have equal spending abilities.

In such cases, how does your partner handle the situation? This can be an important determinant of what your financial future will look like together. A person you can share your dating history with should also be the person you can discuss your financial situation with. Having open and transparent communication about money matters can help clear the air and set the expectations for what is to come in the future.

The next stage is when you get into a joint living arrangement – such as a live-in relationship or a marriage. There are three ways to approach money when cohabiting with a partner – you can have separate bank accounts, joint accounts, or a combination of the two.

All have their own advantages and disadvantages. Having separate accounts means that both of you will have more autonomy over your own money. You will not have to give an account to the other person on what you spend and where you do it. In the event of separation as well, it will be easy to handle the financial aspect.

However, individual accounts can be a problem if you tend to be an overspender. You may end up spending without any accountability.

A joint account is easier to split expenses and be accountable for your spending. You can also build trust and transparency in your relationship by having a joint account and working towards joint goals. However, little things like planning a surprise for your partner can become a problem if you have a joint account only.

Combining the two can be an optimal solution. Taking it a step further, having two separate bank accounts and two joint accounts – one for routine expenses and another for shared goals – can make the whole process even smoother. It gives you the best of both worlds.

Asking the right questions

When discussing finances with your partner, the key is to ask the right questions and find solutions to them. For instance, here are some ideas on what issues to discuss:

• How do you define financial success?
• What are your long-term goals?
• What do you wish you could have done differently in the case of your finances?
• How much are we aspiring to earn in this span of time?
• How much are we trying to save?
• How much are we going to invest, and
• What is our spending threshold no matter what happens?

Doing this exercise will ensure that you protect your relationship and your money. It can help minimize conflict in the long run. Be mindful of your partner's needs and try to devise solutions that are acceptable to both of you.

Also, it would help to ensure you are not financially abused. If you can't trust your partner with your money or they tend to hide money matters from you, it's time to pull out the big guns and have a serious talk. If you make a big purchase by pooling in money, such as buying a house, don't shy away from insisting that both of your names are on the agreement.

Takeaway

Financial conversations are not romantic, but they are an essential part of long-term relationships. It takes your vulnerable side to have the conversation, but it can set you up for a safe and secure future. It's better to find out about your partner's financial habits when dating than to accept the consequences after you are married. Either way, don't let money ruin your relationships. Instead, solve it smartly right from the beginning.